Yappington University (Unisex Heavy Cotton Tee)

Yapping 401: Advanced Studies in the Art of Sustained, Unhinged Verbal Craft

Presented to the Academic Committee for Immediate Curriculum Inclusion

Abstract:
Yapping is not mere noise—it is a highly technical discipline, a symphony of run-on sentences, hyper-specific tangents, and the unshakable delusion that the listener is fascinated. This paper argues for the establishment of The World’s First Yappology Department, offering degrees in Applied Rambling and Certified Sidebar Mastery.

Core Curriculum

1. Yapping Theory (YAP 101)

   • The Fibonacci Sequence of Nonsense: How to escalate a story about grocery store coupons into a 47-minute soliloquy on the geopolitical implications of cereal box mascots.

   • Breath Control & Stamina: Lab work includes maintaining audible dominance during family Zoom calls.

2. Structural Yapscaping (YAP 202)

   • Learn to build a narrative arch with no payoff, such as a 30-minute anecdote that ends with "…anyway, so then I forgot."

   • Elective: Mumblecore Yapping—perfecting the "wait, let me start over" loop.

3. Advanced Audience Management (YAP 303)

   • The Glassy-Eyed Nod: How to ignore clear signals of distress.

   • Thesis Option: "But Let Me Finish" – A Quantitative Study on Interruption Resistance."

4. Fieldwork & Internships

   • Mandatory 40hr/wk at a Busy Coffee Shop, explaining your D&D character’s backstory to a barista named Greg who did not ask.

   • Thesis Defense: A 72-hour livestreamed yap marathon (extra credit if someone donates to make you stop).

Why Universities Must Act Now

• Economic Impact: The global yap economy (podcasts, group chats, conspiracy forums) is booming.

• Technological Disruption: AI can almost yap, but lacks the human touch (e.g., crying mid-sentence because you remembered your dog’s birthday).

• Cultural Preservation: Without formal training, we risk losing classic yapper subspecies, such as "Uncle at BBQ" and "Girlie on 3am Facetime."

Conclusion
Yapping is the last pure art form. It cannot be automated. It must be honed, studied, and revered—preferably at 3am in a Discord voice chat. We urge the academy: Fund this department. The world needs professional yappers.

(Endnote: For accreditation purposes, please ignore that this proposal is itself a yap.) 🎓🗣️

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.: Made with medium fabric (5.3 oz/yd² (180 g/m²)) consisting of 100% cotton for year-round comfort that is sustainable and highly durable.
.: The classic fit of this shirt ensures a comfy, relaxed wear while the crew neckline adds that neat, timeless look that can blend into any occasion, casual or semi-formal.
.: The tear-away label means a scratch-free experience with no irritation or discomfort whatsoever.
.: Made using 100% US cotton that is ethically grown and harvested. Gildan is also a proud member of the US Cotton Trust Protocol ensuring ethical and sustainable means of production. This blank tee is certified by Oeko-Tex for safety and quality assurance.